With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Still dying that you shit outside
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
