that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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