he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
