watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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