The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
