theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
