She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
