Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
