I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
