we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
