Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
