just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
