I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
