i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
