first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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