my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
