she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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