i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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