I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
