I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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