He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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