Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
