my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
