Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
