We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
