so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
