if i died would you start the facebook group?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
