your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
