I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
