life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
