Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
time to smoke my breakfast
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
