Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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