I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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