We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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