Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
