I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
