i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize