I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
