road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
