once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
