dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
