doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
