My friends, they love my intelligence
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
