so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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