How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
