I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
