I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
