So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
