the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Life is so much better after having sex.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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