I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This is the high leading the old right now
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
