WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
