Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The struggles of a small town man whore
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
