you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
