**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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