recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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