i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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