Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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