thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
