Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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