sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
