I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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