WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
